There's just something about being overdue that sits well with me. I get a lot of sorry looks from friends and strangers alike when they see me, day in and day out at the grocery store, the nursery school, the Y, but I tell you that despite the crazy excitement I feel about meeting this newest little one, unlike with my first pregnancy when I willed the end to come each day, this second and third time around, every hour, with or without my third little babe in arms, feels like a gift. Until a couple days ago, I had snapped just one picture of my belly, way back during our Indian summer at the beginning of October:
And while I love it to pieces, poor D3 (who may just be a girl like her older sister Sammy, obsessed with tracking every moment of her young life from bump to Bogota, Mummy's side to Marblehead) was not going to have much to fuel her boatloads of questions like her big sis. So, I asked dear Tia to take these two shots below. It was not overly thought out. Only shirtless, because lunch had just been had which means tomato seeds were spurted everywhere and pink and white yogurt was dripped head to toe, and there were only two snaps taken, but I just love them... You look in the mirror and know your bump is immense, your womanly shape morphed into some holy but unsightly blimp, but you will never, ever regret these shots. Even 35lbs heavier, an agonizing pregnancy in so many ways, I still give great thanks for my body that houses these sweet hearts so safely. And as for being skin to skin with my three babies... sigh...
It's hard not to feel ridiculously lucky and loved when I look at this. It's hard not to see each moment with this delightful duo as a gift, as we head towards 41 weeks with their littlest soon-to-be-sidekick. I'm 3cm and 50% effaced which means just about nothing, have an induction date set for next week, but quite honestly, I'm just happy for today. For an extra hour to cuddle my little ones, snuggle up to my hubby, dream of my healthy and happy baby bundled up away from these scattered snowflakes, all while emptying one more kitchen drawer for a deep clean and purge before things get a little busier for a while. You forget how quickly reality resumes, how soon what's new and daunting will become what we've always known, but I remember feeling this same grateful, peaceful way in my overdue days with Landon, even when I couldn't imagine loving another little body as I loved my sweet Sammy. Every next trip to Target or Stop and Shop that should have been my 'last stock-up'. Every extra lunch and play with good friends that should have carried me through the weeks of hibernation. Every chance to just lose myself in the children I already birthed, who already have my entire heart. All of that seemed so sweet. And this time around it does, too.
And Lord knows, if I hadn't made it to today, I'd have never found time to write any of this down...
Yes, I'm anxious. About the pain and process, the unknowns and exhaustion, but I'm far more calm than I was with either Samara or Landon and for that, I'm grateful. How lovely it is to know the hospital, know the doctors, know some nurses, know what both a C-Section and normal deliveries entail, respect them both and know that I can survive either remembering what really matters. How blessed it is to be only as worried as any parent is about hearing that little cry fill the room, to see for myself that the precious one who has measured well in every ultrasound is indeed as perfect and healthy as expected. Having had such different and troubling news delivered to us along the way with Landon and been left with such questions about what troubles he would have, and to have never even seen my naked baby, Samara, or heard that sweet sound the day she was born, I know what luxuries, what miracles, what immeasurable gifts these are. Just thinking of what lies ahead, I try to focus on all that goodness that awaits, and try not to lose sight of what all of this is really about. A gift of LIFE, our third little life created out of such love, that will add so much to our family, straight to us from God. How we got so lucky... I'll never know.
And so, Mummy is home from England and waiting at the other end of the phone, just around the corner. Two different and best friends are lined up, ready to play the day away with SnL if need be, so if Daddy is at work, Mummy can be with me. We have emerged from the holiday-hype and have lost the dark circles under our eyes. Little Landon is sleeping through the night and Samara has head-butted her 2 or 3 weeks of thunderous threes out the window. Steve had caught up on the month of shortened days and interrupted work and is ready for his most phenomenal two weeks of paternity leave. He is, as ever, the most incredible husband and father and I almost wish I could loan him out to pregnant ladies everywhere as I feel so selfish keeping him to myself. I have got over my ugly, indulgent cold that left me feeling just plain gross for days and days on end. We have no hiccups in our giddy-ups and we await this littlest Dosch with full hearts, great energy and so much thankfulness.
And if I let myself really imagine it, believe it, achieve it, my eyes well up with tears, my arms get covered with goosebumps and I know that what lies ahead is beyond my wildest dreams. I just can't wait to know if it's a boy, if it's a girl, and to share that most magical moment with the man I adore more than anything in this world, and maybe my mama too...
Oh how blessed we are. The rest is just details. And I will share them soon...
