Cuba's Call

We are off at the crack of dawn tomorrow. Thank goodness the blizzard is arriving mid-morning. For some blessings and allowances, we can only say... WOW! For other things, we grow strong and more capable than we ever dreamed. Samara is better now, thank goodness, but her ears started running (think toddler nose running) on Sunday and she now has ear infections. Poor little thing. We spent all of yesterday afternoon at the doctor's office. Tonight is our last one with her before 5 days apart. Having never had a single night away, the thought of that seems quite overwhelming right now. My dear parents will watch her as we embark on this incredible journey with these terrific students of mine. I came down with a sinus infection myself last night, and feel quite rotten, but have a doctor's appointment at 4:30pm today. A non-OB doctor's appt. When on Earth did I last have one of those? (What's wrong with these last days of preparation?). I have faith that somehow, these months and months of endless calls and forms and plans will all come together, we will be watched over on our journey and in a little more than a few deep breaths, we will all be home together, I will just be Samara's Mummy, a hardworking, quiet type who happens to be 6 months pregnant and could really, really do with a couple hours of sleep, but will be every so glad to see the back of this winter and the dawning of the sun on our tired little faces. Cuban sun, oh, that will be majestic, too, but this is far from a holiday. We are taking 11 cases of medical supplies and goods to distribute while there and the excitement and depth within the hearts of the 9 kids we are taking makes it all far more than worthwhile in the end. Wish us well, please, please. It is not an easy trip, and Lord knows, I'm leaving half of my own heart behind. If you see my little one, give her a huggle from me. Hasta la vista...

a birth story

If you want to be moved and tugged, to smile and weep as only mothers can, here is a birth story to read today. God bless baby Nella and all the love she has brought into this world already...

http://enjoyingthesmallthings.blogspot.com/2010/01/nella-cordelia-birth-story.html?commentPage=2

Poor little Mite...

That's what Nana used to say when we weren't well. Today, as I sat stroking Samara's golden locks, so much so that some of that last cradle cap did fall on my chest, willing her well again, I could almost hear Nana's voice with me. I often think of everyone else but us when otherwise all-consumed by these days when my little one is not quite herself. How do people survive seeing their baby so sick, hooked up to machines, begging for a miracle to shine over them? My heart aches for those I know, the so many I don't. Today, while Samara lay limp on my shoulder, grey in the face like yesterday's sky, blue in the spirit like today's horizon, having not been on her own two feet all day, having thrown up into my hair and hands and heart, I could only cuddle her burning little body, give her drips of liquid each hour, willing her to jump down, 'do the monkey', and crack herself up once again. But despite feeling rotten, she still said peeas and tanks all day, still cuddled me back, still smiled when something was really funny. If you give Samara an Oreo, she opens it up, and saves the side with the cream for last. 99 times out of 100 she'll also offer you a bit. Swedish Fish are the exception. Testimony to her strength of character, I say, she is smart and knowing beyond our understanding, gentle and giving above all else, but loving, extraordinary and soulful, always. She knows all 100 animals in her first animal book, can find her favorites in the dark, and when prompted for a certain part of a book will turn pages with poise and haste knowing just where it is. In fact, for a while, we thought we knew better, and would say foolish things like 'I think it might be on the last page, baby' or 'oops, did you miss it' only to be proven wrong. She just knows things. I pray tomorrow she is good as new. Tonight, once more, she sleeps in our bed, but I love it secretly: the cuddling, snoring, unpredictability of it all. When it is so dark she cannot see me, she puts her hands on my face and feels my smile. I do it back. When she is ready to fall asleep, she turns over on her tummy, but leaves her right hand facing up and over to hold mine. When she wakes, she sits straight up and starts knee jumping and raising the roof, that excited for a new day. Gosh, she's incredible. Even feeling rotten today, she's melted my tired heart and made another sleepless night seem like a gift to look forward to. Everything we look forward to. More than I could ever be. Sweet dreams.

Stand Still

Tutoring was cancelled tonight. The Cuba license arrived. My phone died and was silent all evening. I didn't bother making the quiz I'm giving tomorrow after all. We had just salad for dinner. I played the piano with Samara on my knee. Steve kissed me on the lips as he walked in the door tonight. The world's craziness somehow stopped, as if building up to this moment, just so that I could sit here, be thankful, and feel my littlest one kicking away inside me. D2 has been tickling around for days, but not like this, not this strong, not this wonderful. Oh, it is Heaven. Maybe I will do this over and over and over again! And while I browse through old photos to send to cheer up dear Neow a few blocks away, I found just too many that take my breath away. How on earth we were blessed with a little girl this sweet, this beautiful, this fun, I'll never understand. And it's all coming again, only now, we'll be four and while it's bound to be crazy, crazy, I just can't wait. Each day feels like such a gift, and tonight I'm grateful for peace, serenity, faith, and time to stand still, be quiet, and feel, really feel, all of this.

THE COUSINS UNITE!

As you can see, Samara loved Texas!

Such a sweet girl.

On top of the world!

Swinging in Texas!

Ah... walking in the sunshine with no coat!

It's so much more fun to have company!

Fun at Dallas Children's Museum