Joy

Life began with waking up and loving my mother's face.
- George Eliot

On the birthday of another very blessed little one today, I can't help but be overcome by the wonder of life, once again. Every time I learn of a baby's birth, I am moved so greatly and as a Mummy, I cannot get enough of every word of new life. Now I understand how my own Mummy had tears rolling down her cheeks at every episode of TLC's Baby Story, in movies as silly as 9 Months. How blessed we are as women to know this joy. How uniting it is to feel this bond with so many other women around the world. Becoming a mother is without a doubt the single most breath-taking, challenging and heart-expanding love I have felt. And tonight, one more mother there is. We rejoice!

Sammy D welcomes the Spring and the sunshine!

9 months...

From Samara's I ♥ Boobies onesie she got at her first breast cancer charity walk to the hooter hider and my breast friend, I found this article rather comprehensive and amusing... http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/print/200904/case-against-breastfeeding

Samara's nursing days have come to an end. And all things considered, the truth be told, sometimes it isn't really a choice. I have felt every high and low, annoyance and joy stated so cleverly by the author, but in the end, there's nothing so sweet as snuggling so close with your very own little one, dependent on you for their entire world, giving them everything they could ever need. Nothing prepared me for the first few days of engorgement, probably made worse by Samara's stint in the NICU and no pumps or lactation consultants on hand in our Bogota hospital; No one really tells you that you can actually breastfeed 23 out of 24 hours in a day (if your supply is not stellar, and your baby is otherwise not so bemused). I haven't heard anyone else talk of sobbing the first time she had to give her baby formula because she just didn't have enough for her hungry little one, nor witness the relief that comes when you learn to love that one bottle a day that means you have forty minutes to heal the chafing, admire a daddy or grandmummy or tia nourishing your little tike and loving every second, or ever shower. That box of nursing pads did not reveal that for some people, four or five of them stacked together would be more appropriate, and as for going out somewhere and pumping in the bathroom, the car, the office, do hope for kind, blind passers-by. I remember stocking the fridge when Steve's parents visited us in Bogota just 6 weeks before Samara was born. I remember doing the same when my own Mummy came just hours after Samara's arrival. Careful thought went into what fruits and vegetables we'd have on hand for them all, what juices I could freshly squeeze from the glorious choices available, how much homemade guacamole I could fit in our not-so-Target-collection of Bogotano tupperware. And I remember telling Steve that I couldn't believe our most adored houseguest, the one we most wanted to please and pamper and show the most delicious things in the world, most precious little package to ever arrive on our doorstep would need only... me! To this day, though my supply may have dwindled with the emotion of the passing of two of my most special people, four moves, two+two very sharp teeth and so much chaos, that responsibility of a life is still remarkable to me and I look at Samara in awe of how far we have already come together. Today she had her 9 month old doctor's appointment. She is stronger and healthier and more joyful than we have every seen her. And tomorrow she will be 9 months old. She will have spent longer in the open air, squinting, but never crying in the sun, opening her big blue yes even wider in the dark to see if she's missing something, than she spent in my tummy. And just as I am grateful for every day of her life, just as I know that although I cannot breastfeed any more, I see her cheeky smile and know she is innately perfect with and without me. I am sad to think she is now counting days beyond our special beginning but yet it's impossible not to smile and only know happiness when we are together. And as for the feel of that warm baby skin up against mine, I'm pretty sure Sammy and I have a lifetime of that ahead.

Here's a shot of me and my Mummy long after those first 9 months had passed, quite some time after I stopped nursing, skin to skin.

Alone...

I sit here in our beautiful family room, the TV on for noise, alone with my thoughts. I can't remember the last time I was by myself, like this. Steve is in D.C. working incredibly hard and will be away for three days. It seems like a lifetime, particularly when it is our first night alone since that magical July 1st day upon which we said our vows, and Dada's first time away from his baby girl. We miss him a lot but know we are lucky that he has a job that keeps him busy, doesn't take him away from us often and has allowed us to make a home where a home was dreamed of. Samara usually goes to sleep around 7:30pm, but tonight she hit the pillow early after a fun-filled day with Mama, including a sweat-breaking, muscle-stretching baby & me yoga class, a walk in the sunshine and tons of giggles. Maybe I'll go to bed early, too. I miss my husband... Our home is looking lovely and I'm finally organizing the drawers and cupboards that I quickly filled to clear the counters. I like it to look tidy before it really is! Unpacking our few belongings has been like our wedding and Christmas all over again. We have so many lovely things given to us by friends and family that we never got to take out of their boxes. At last Harriet's lovely tea set, Susannah's Coltelli original, Hilary's majestic candlesticks and Gemma's stunning Indian bowl are all able to be admired, and how wonderful it is to feel such dear loved ones are near me every time I walk through a different room. I love being home, and while a few minutes of alone time are definitely healthy for us all, I love this place most when it is full of the laughter and games the three of us make at all hours of the day and night.

Splish Splash

Samara went for her first swim on Sunday and loved it! We had the whole Y pool to ourselves (it was around 6:30am...) and it was a lovely temperature. She slept for about 2.5 hours afterwards. Apparently it was quite the workout!

The other side of the dining room

Our home

Our kitchen bar area

Our family room with Samara's corner of treasures

Our lovely jasmine plant and skylights in family room

One corner of the dining room

PackRugRat

Given that Samara is a pro at moving, she's quite fond of this process and being somewhat helpful in keeping herself amused for stints of oh, two and a half minutes, so that we can get something done.